Kiss
by Wild-Huntress
Summary: SLASH. While on a mission, Qui-Gon comes to terms with his feelings for his Padawan.


Twin moons rose gleaming over the blood-red surface of a barren, nameless planet. Hot desert winds ruffled the scarlet sand and blew it in all directions like a veil of silk over the desolate landscape. Small animals slithered through the night.  
  
Qui-Gon Jinn could sense the life around him, the very life that flowed even from a wasteland such as this, but he could not stop to admire it or meditate on it. All his attention was focused on the injured young man lying before him on a cot on their wrecked Jedi tranport.  
  
"Are you sure you're all right?" he asked the younger man worriedly.  
  
"Yes, Master. For the hundredth time, I'm fine." Obi-Wan Kenobi forced a smile as he spoke. Qui-Gon, however, did not smile back. He could sense his Padawan's pain through the mental link they shared, and it frightened him. Obi-Wan's well-being meant everything to him. The youth noted his Master's anxiety.  
  
"I'm fine," he said again. "Really. I just need a couple of hours in a healing trance and I'll be perfect."  
  
Qui-Gon did not mention that to his view, Obi-Wan was always perfect.  
  
"Very well," the Jedi Master said with a calmness he did not feel, and helped Obi-Wan initiate a healing trance. Within seconds the Padawan's eyes closed. His breathing quieted as he drifted into unconsciousness. Qui- Gon remained by the young man's side, knowing that the injuries Obi-Wan had received when their ship crashed would heal soon enough. Still, the Jedi could not help being worried. Simply put, he loved Obi-Wan.  
  
Qui-Gon shifted on the narrow cot, taking care not to touch the oblivious young man and wondering when he'd begun to fall in love with his own Padawan. Years ago, Obi-Wan's courage and devotion had won him Qui- Gon's affection. Perhaps those same attributes had, in time, earned him the older man's love. The Jedi could not say. He only knew that in recent months his adoration for Obi-Wan had surged until it had become the strongest feeling he'd ever known. But it could not be. Their relationship could never go in the direction Qui-Gon wanted. He was too much like a father to Obi-Wan. The Jedi Master sighed sadly and tentatively placed a large roughened hand on the youth's face. He would never get to feel the softness of Obi-Wan's sweet throat beneath his lips, or get to hold his Apprentice's body in his arms late at night as they made love. Stolen, guilty touches were all he could ever have.  
  
Slowly, Qui-Gon stroked the younger man's silky ginger hair. He hated to think how Obi-Wan would react to being thought of like this by his own Master. At first the elder Jedi had hardly believed it himself. Eventually he'd accepted his feelings. He no longer berated himself for loving Obi-Wan. This love knew no bounds, and was almost impossible to control. Stars, he wanted Obi-Wan. Qui-Gon could imagine a dozen ways in which he could take his Apprentice by force, each more dishonorable than the one preceeding it. He knew Obi-Wan would do anything he asked, even if it destroyed the young man. And destroy him it would. It would shatter Obi-Wan's world and turn something inside him bitter; his beliefs and his innocence would be forever soiled. Qui-Gon pictured the horror and shock in his beloved Padawan's eyes; he could almost see the deadened submissiveness with which the boy would act.  
  
Qui-Gon would never do that to the person he loved most in the universe. The duty of a Jedi Master was to protect his or her Padawan, and Qui-Gon would do that to the end, even if it meant denying himself all his dreams. It was not easy. So many times Obi-Wan came to him at night, seeking comfort from pain or nightmares. Those hours were torture for Qui- Gon. Sometimes he felt he could no longer keep up the charade. But he had no choice, because doing otherwise would ruin his relationship with Obi-Wan and scar the young man for life. He couldn't do that. He would never do anything that would hurt the boy.  
  
Though Obi-Wan was not a mere boy anymore. Qui-Gon stared at his Padawan. Long lashes were curled over pale cheeks; his chest rose and fell gently with each breath he took. At nineteen years of age, Obi-Wan was breathtakingly beautiful. His was a beauty Qui-Gon could never touch or worship. Nor could he deny himself everything, and despite his guilt, he would allow himself just one kiss. Obi-Wan would never know. He carefully lifted the youth's body and pressed his lips against Obi-Wan's fine mouth, savoring the sweetness. The Jedi closed his eyes. He'd dreamed of this moment for so long. The world faded and the only thing he was aware of was the cherished young man that he held so close to him. His heart pounded.  
  
That blissful moment ended far too soon. Qui-Gon wrenched himself away from his Padawan, knowing all too well that he would not have another chance at this. But in the end, he didn't care. Obi-Wan's future was more important to him than his own desires, and he would not jeopardize that future.  
  
"Forgive me, my dearest one," the Jedi Master said, placing Obi-Wan on the cot and covering him with a blanket. "I won't do that again. I swear it." He reached out to caress the boy's face, then drew his hand away abruptly. He would keep his promise and protect his Padawan, even from himself.  
  
Qui-Gon moved away from his Padawan and sat down to meditate. He could sense small animals outside, slithering through the silk-veiled night, as twin moons rose gleaming over the planet's barren surface.  
Finis. 


End file.
